J.F. Quil

“What would have become of Hercules, do you think, if there had been no lion, hydra, stag or boar – and no savage criminals to rid the world of? What would he have done in the absence of such challenges? Obviously he would have just rolled over in bed and gone back to sleep. So by snoring his life away in luxury and comfort he never would have developed into the mighty Hercules.” — Epictetus

*“It's challenging, but you repeat it not to eliminate the pressure but to learn how to manage it. It's not easier but more tolerable.”*

My instructor radioed our position and reminded me of how vital Air Traffic Control was to hear me speak with confidence. I was embarrassed. I gave full control of the cyclic back to him and, eventually, my collective.

"I know it sounds like it's all too much for you to handle, but you've learned all you needed to learn so far." He voiced over my headset. "Stay calm and focused because if you don't, I can only do so much to keep us from getting killed."

We both laughed, and my nerves calmed a little. We were south of the French Valley Airport, hovering at about 800 feet. I looked over to my right, out the door-less fuselage of the R-22 helicopter I've been learning to fly, and stared down at the stretch of a land shining warmly against the California sun. The cars on the highway each shone brightly, mimicking a narrow river glimmering under the sunlight. There were also specks of clouds scattered across the sky like someone had brushed the last few drops of white paint on a faded blue canvas. It was a perfect day to fly.

"John," my instructor called on the headset. "Take us to 2,500 feet."

I grabbed hold of my collective on my left-hand side and slowly raised it. I kept my eyes at the altimeter, watched the line moved with anticipation, for I've never gone that high before. Not that it mattered.

"Don't worry about how high we are because if anything fails here, you'd wish you were higher. That way, you'll have more time to fix the problem." He reassured me. "Now, grab hold of all the controls."

I was nervous but found my right hand gently holding the cyclic, my feet reaching for the pedals, and left hand feeling the governor's slow turns on the collective. The wind felt like it was picking up, for the helo began to sway side to side. Or perhaps it was my nervous hand. After all, the cyclic was an extremely sensitive piece of equipment. An inch in either direction will send the vehicle into motion.

"Now, take us North and get us back on the landing pad. I'll be here to catch you, not to do it for you, okay? You have full control."

With that, he sat back, hands on his hips and his feet off the pedals.

To control a helicopter such as the R-22 was nerve-racking. A slight movement on any of the instruments will bank, drop, roll, or raise the craft in ways that can make a person rethink their choices. Imagine the initial drop of a rollercoaster, but it's because you tilted the cyclic two inches too fast.

He occasionally adjusted my handling of the craft, usually for stabilization. After a few minutes of bobbing up and down and jerking side to side, he broke the silence.

"Not to pressure you, but remember that you're paying by the hour." I understood what he meant. The longer I stayed up here, the bigger my bill will be.

"Stay confident." He advised.

The whole ordeal lasted longer than an hour. But after making the loop twice with more help than I care to admit, I was finally able to take off and land almost entirely on my own by the third lap. My instructor congratulated me with a "well done," to which I replied by wiping my sweaty forehead. I had a headache. I almost killed us at least three times that day, but he regained control each time with a stoic attitude and an "it's okay, try again."

"How were you able to keep it together up there?" I asked. "I know you're an instructor, but that's too stressful of a job!"

"Tell me about it," he chuckled. "Like any skill, it's all about repetition and correction. That helicopter is designed to kill you. There's no changing that. As you've experienced yourself, it's quite stressful to fly because of the amount of multi-tasking you need to do. It's challenging, but you repeat it not to eliminate the pressure but to learn how to manage it. It's not easier but more tolerable. Does that make sense?"

I supposed it did.

~~~

There are, and will always be, situations in our lives where something will demand more than what we're comfortable giving— with refusing as the ideal decision. But what about the ones that we must face and require our full attention?

While it may not be possible to dismiss the issue, resiliency help deal with the matter at hand. So when we jump into deep water or face a deadline set way too soon, we don't lose ourselves in an unproductive emotional ride.

It's worth remembering that resiliency is not a one-time skill but a practice. Though there are many ways to gain this trait, our focus is on three essential teachings: distinguishing stress, seeking help, and developing proper habits. This trinity acts as a guide to help prepare for adversity.

First, we must understand our reaction to the situation at hand. Which, in this case, is the difference between bad stress and the not-so-bad.

The former is the type that is detrimental to your physical and emotional health. These can be a myriad of unforgiving things that can leave a mark on someone. It's challenging to determine which specific experiences are "chronic stressors" in our lives because we all handle problems differently. However, this is where we must practice self-awareness.

The not-so-bad or "good" stress can range from feelings of excitement to struggling for something we want or must do. Distinguishing what may be beneficial for us can be difficult; however, practicing what many call a "Positive Mental Attitude" can help. It acts as a filter to help us see beyond the uncomfortable situation and focus on what we can gain from it. Once a goal is visible, we can get creative with whatever we have at our disposal to overcome it. If you're sure there's nothing to gain, drop it if possible.

We can interpret resiliency as a solo effort, and for what it's worth, it is – to an extent. The second step plays off of our self-awareness. In that, we must seek help. Not in the sense of having something done for us. Instead, it's to give us the knowledge and courage to keep up the fight.

Educating ourselves is a surefire way to get ahead of the curve. Whether you want to conduct your research or heed the lessons of another, it's necessary to pursue both roads. What a book can teach, experience edifies.

Accepting that we may not know everything about something lets us absorb more information. Learning with an open mind produces a better understanding and can potentially highlight something valuable that contrasted our initial beliefs. If we can accept that anything can happen, we can be prepared for everything that may occur. Doing this allows us to be in control, no matter how small, and that's a comfort we need when things begin to look bleak.

Seeking the counsel of another person who has experienced what you're looking for is another way to educate ourselves. No matter what it may be, their experience will arm us with wisdom. So, try to learn everything and anything.

Now, what if you don't know what you're getting into? Technically, you can't specifically train for one unknown, but you could be ready no matter the unknown.

Colin O'Brady, a legend in adventure and exploration, advised, "Don't let the first time be the first time." Now, he had just finished the world's first unsupported solo walk across Antarctica at the time of the advice. His next venture was to row across the Drake Passage and into Antarctica. He was doing workouts in tubs of ice and solving problems at the edge of extreme stress. It was tough, mentally draining, and very demanding. Still, it was accomplished. He was mentally prepared for it because, though he couldn’t perfectly mimic the austere situations, he had already built blisters in his mind. He was bullet-proof.

Like many others, I took this as advice to prepare for anything.

Whatever the reason, continually seeking new challenges triggers this discussion's first two points into motion. This idea of having a positive mindset through stressful situations with a backing of attained knowledge can develop a habit set on continuous growth. Meaning that with an attitude of deliberate self-improvement, adaptation and endurance becomes the baseline.

In my young professional life, developing great habits distinguished the many Marines I admired and strived to become. At first glance, I thought it to be ridiculous to place oneself under challenging situations willingly. But comfortability is the antithesis of growth.

Creating a habit of pushing through personal barriers didn't necessarily develop a suit of armor. It made a person flexible, adaptable, and exceptionally resourceful. The person didn't drive anything away; instead, they guided the problem to where they saw fit. This act explained why people who have endured trials in their lives were hardwired in a way that enabled them to believe that anything was possible.

We are all creatures of habit, whether we like it or not. What we do every day reflects our personalities and can explain how well we handle adversity. Some of us cringe or shield away behind someone or a reason, while others tackle their problems head-on, smiling with blood in their mouth. Building resiliency is a never-ending practice because life's problems are complex and hidden. Habits that involve self-development can prepare our minds for what may come because we're already expecting it.

To end this discussion, I want to share one of the best advice I've ever heard.

On Resilience

~~~

"Stress yourself, for it builds resilience against adversity. Welcome it."